Redefining Strength: Why Your Flaws Are Actually Your Superpowers
People spend a ton of time and resources trying to be the “best” version of themselves — trying to fix what’s broken, overcome their weaknesses, and perfect their flaws. They buy courses and books and makeup and planners and smartphones-watches-everything in hopes of somehow being more than what they are today. You know the story: be staggeringly productive (but not “always on”). Be Elon-Musk-successful but on 10 hours per week working remotely (probably as a digital nomad) with no debt, a 7-figure income, probably while raising kids, with optimal sleep, optimal exercise, optimal food… you get the picture.
And those things are fine to strive for! If, and this is a big if, they work for you and are aligned with your vision. More often than not though, people just beat themselves up for not reaching this shotgun spread of goals that are, for many people, ethereal at best. The goals and desires go unexamined, something to strive for but not to deconstruct — something that starts as a beacon of hope but which becomes twisted and distorted until it’s a finish line in a race they never entered.
So people just keep going. They keep pushing forward. “Making progress.” “Trying their best.” All the while feeling like they aren’t living up to their potential, dreading the journey that the internet told them they are supposed to enjoy. If they can just get past this flaw or that insecurity or that imperfection, they will finally be ready.
Ready for what? What are we fixing? More importantly, why?
You’re Not Broken; You’re Forcing It
There are night owls, creative geniuses, masters of chaos forcing their eyes open at 5 am because “anyone can be a morning person,” telling themselves that they must adhere to their predetermined morning routine, they must stay on track to complete their planner full of activities, they must maintain a clear, minimalist desk and never ever let their emails pile up.
ERHHHHHH. (That’s a buzzer sound, in case that wasn’t clear).
Uh-uh, my friend. For some, that might work. It might work exceptionally well. And they’ll adopt these new methods and their productivity will skyrocket and they’ll be someone’s testimonial on their website because that system works — for them.
But you mostly won’t hear from the people who tried it, who stuck with it through the adjustment phase and, with every passing day, felt more constrained, more exhausted, more suffocated, and more hopeless. Because this is what works… right? So if it doesn’t work for them, then *they are flawed…*right? They must need a new planner or a better mattress or a sleep-tracking smartwatch or blue-light glasses or a better diet with higher energy or a course on creativity so they can get past their “creative block.”
Or… stick with me here because I know this story sounds familiar to some of you… maybe you’re not what’s broken.
That doesn’t mean the system is broken either. It’s clearly working for someone.
Ways people frequently describe the out-of-alignment type of feeling I’m talking about:
- Like swimming upstream all the time
- Like you can’t catch a break or a breath
- Like beating your head against a brick wall hoping for a breakthrough
- Like adulting is hard
- Like trying to force yourself into your human skin in order to integrate with the locals of Earth without them catching on
The last one is getting a little personal for me, but you get the picture. The common theme? Trying to force yourself, overcome yourself, or confine yourself in order to achieve something.
You can ask yourself this question: “Does this <action / lifestyle / job / whatever> feel forced?” Some things will feel forced at first. Things like a new diet or public speaking or getting over a fear of heights. It’s normal to have a period of adjustment. The problem creeps in when it keeps feeling forced. If it doesn’t feel like it’s getting easier or driving you forward, and especially if it becomes more dreadful and exhausting over time, then that’s a red flag.
If an action feels forced for an extended period of time, you’re probably fighting your strengths.
Not your weaknesses.
Your strengths.
“If an action feels forced for an extended period of time, you’re probably fighting your strengths. Not your weaknesses. Your strengths”
Your strengths are a very powerful force, and it makes sense why many people can’t quite seem to operate in a way that isn’t in alignment with them.
The Origin of Our Strengths
That same night owl might be the next Picasso or Stephen King or whatever, if they’d embrace their messy desk and their meandering way of completing a to-do list. Let the emails go unanswered. Let bedtime come and pass. Work until 5AM and sleep ’til noon if your life supports it and that’s what drives you forward.
Most importantly, do it without guilt. Embrace your natural inclinations. Your strengths became strengths for a reason — those pathways in your brain became stronger and stronger because that’s what got favorable results. Because those actions resulted in something your brain considered “success.”
Now, that’s not always to say there isn’t a hiccup that we have to acknowledge. Addiction. Trauma. But even those pathways are worth visiting, understanding, healing, and embracing.
For example, someone with extensive trauma may have certain strengths that at one time kept them safe: things like the ability to read emotions exceptionally well. That’s why you see a lot of people with trauma go on to become excellent psychotherapists and coaches.
I can tell you that when I trained as a trauma coach almost every single coach-in-training had their own trauma background and for each and every one of them — that was their superpower*.* That doesn’t make the things that happened to them okay, but there was healing in embracing their natural inclinations in a healthy way that felt right to them.
Strengths And Flaws: Different Sides of The Same Coin
One way of learning about your strengths is through the Clifton Strengths Full-34 Assessment, which I took during a
I really like this test because it points out not only the benefits of your strengths but also blind spots to look out for.
These are my top strengths:
- Strategic
- Individualization
- Learner
- Command
- Restorative
Framed one way, that means:
“I am someone who is curious and observant and is quick to ascertain what people are thinking or feeling. I always want to learn about what makes each person unique, and I like to hear about what challenges they are facing in their lives. I am quick to transform an obstacle into an opportunity and I often influence people to commit to things that will lead them to successful outcomes.”
Framed another way, that can also mean:
“I’m a controlling person who criticizes people and tells them how to “fix” themselves and who always has to get the last word in arguments. I’m someone people call a know-it-all who is aggressive and intimidating and is quick to point out people’s shortcomings. I also get annoyed when people don’t instinctively read my mind.”
Big difference, right? Both of those things are written about the exact same set of strengths, one where I am leaning into my strengths in a positive and healthy way and the other where those strengths (ones people often frame as flaws) are interfering with my ability to have the life that resonates with me. It just depends on:
- My awareness of my strengths
- How I use those strengths
My greatest strengths are also my biggest flaws — that’s because they stem from the same pathways in my brain, the ones that drive my actions with the most fervor, the ones that would be the most difficult for me to just “turn off.”
For the sake of offering a well-rounded picture, here’s the other side of the story.
These are my bottom strengths (e.g.,” my weaknesses”):
30. Includer
31. Adaptability
32. Woo
33. Harmony
34. Positivity
That sounds like everything a coach should have, right? If someone had my weaknesses as their strengths, they would be someone who involves everyone in activities, who goes with the flow and lives in the now, who loves to be an ice-breaker and win people over, help people work together as a group, and stays enthusiastic through it all.
If I were to try to run cohorts and coaching sessions that hinged on those traits, I would likely struggle. So I don’t. I’d rather create an environment of individualism, filled with authentic voices, a place of rebelliousness and challenge and fast-paced growth. If the people who work with me show up with their whole selves, I will gladly do the same, and together we will conquer the world.
So I can beat my head against a wall trying to become fawning and fair, or I can try conforming to a role where people find me pushy and out-of-line, or I can lean into my strengths.
I can place myself in situations where I can thrive, that will give me energy and satisfaction, and where I will be appreciated for my authentic self.
And so can you. I’m all for people finding their own paths to success, embracing who they are, leaning into what comes naturally, and flourishing on their own terms, in a way that is authentic, resonant, and fulfilling. (No woo-woo-whatever, no bullshit.)
Are you ready to find success on your terms? Join us at Liferise. At the time of this writing, you can join on a donations-only basis (e.g. free) in exchange for feedback during the alpha phase.
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